Happy Valentine's Day, Eli
by Outtie
Summary: An ill-penned love note causes minor havoc on Destiny.


"This is a really bad idea Volker."

"You're probably right" Volker said, "but it's my only shot and I'd rather go to my grave without this particular regret."

"Yeah, or maybe you'll go to your grave _with_ THIS particular regret."

"You're such a cynic Brody."

"I prefer realist."

"Whatever you say man," Volker shrugged as he folded the love note he'd just written Lisa Park and left it laying on the console where she was scheduled to be working in an hour. After all, faint heart never won fair maiden, though in Park's case maiden was probably the wrong verbiage.

(O)

'_My love is like a super nova. I feel the power of it boiling beneath by cool exterior just waiting for the right moment to explode and show my love for you to the entire universe…'_

Dr. Nicholas Rush couldn't believe anyone as intelligent as Volker could write garbage like this, but with the evidence before him he had to conclude that Volker WAS in fact an idiot posing as a scientist and to add to that this 'love note' was a wasteful use of their valuable and currently difficult to renew _paper resources_, (a fact he planned on bringing up at the next 'meeting'), though Rush _had_ noted that there were a great many marks on the paper which upon closer inspection turned out to be shadows from whatever had previously been written on it. Volker must've taken great pains to erase as much as he could and the damn fool hadn't even remembered to sign his name so that the lady in question would have some idea who sent the note. In fact he also hadn't bothered to write Dr. Park's name on the top fold to keep the curious (i.e. himself) from opening a letter that wasn't meant for them.

Rush was just about to scrawl Volker's name at the bottom of the paper when he realized he didn't know what it was. Was it John? or perhaps Peter? Surely it couldn't be Michael. He was pretty sure that was Dr. Caine's name actually. He couldn't simply write 'Volker' on a bloody love note, the prose was bad enough as it was. He was just hacking into the private personnel records (where he assumed valuable and private information like a first name might be kept) when Eli startled him by asking what he was doing hacking into the personnel records.

Faced with discovery Rush decided to get out of it by the most direct route available. He lied.

"I was just finalizing my recommendation list for Colonel Young" Rush said.

"What for?" Eli asked.

"For… employee of the month, or I suppose it would be shipmate of the month actually. A new plan of the Colonel's to boost morale" Rush slid his hand over the note just before Eli could get a hold on it. "Hold on, this is a secret evaluation Eli. You can hardly expect to stay on this list if I have to tell Colonel Young that you already knew about it…"

"No no of course!" Eli stammered desperate to keep his name on 'the list', "I just came up here to get your approval on my being allowed to run some tests in the chair room. The airman at the door said he had to have written permission from Young _and_ from you before he let anyone in."

"Yes, er, quite right" Rush hastily agreed impatient to get Eli out of the room so he could have some peace.

"Ok, you just need to sign here (he pointed)… and here (he flipped to the next page) and initial here (more pointing) and then sign here…"

"Eli!" Rush roared, "just give me the damn papers and I'll sign them ok."

"Sure. Here you go" Eli sulkily handed over the papers.

Rush was perfectly happy to sign if it would get Eli out of his hair. He'd discuss this absurd new quirk of Young's later. Once he'd finished signing in triplicate (surely this had to be one of Young's rare jokes) he shoved the papers (yet another waste of their limited resources) at Eli and told him to get out, "Wait" Rush added to his back as Eli was beating a hasty retreat, "Before you go Eli, do you happen to know Dr. Volker's first name?"

"Uh, sure I do" Eli said, "its Dale. Why…"

"That will be all Eli" Rush said brusquely waving the younger man off.

Eli left with a frown that said 'I know you're leaving me out of something and I don't like it', which Rush countered with his patented 'I don't care' glare. It wasn't until Eli left that Rush noticed that Volker's love letter was gone too.

(O)

Eli knocked on Colonel Young's door with the paperwork in his hands. All he needed now was for Young to sign next to Rush and he could get his project started. He hadn't told either of them, but he was planning on doing a special documentary on every important room on Destiny and if he ever found Rush in a good mood he intended to ask him to sit in the chair and reenact his recent Ancient chair episode. It didn't seem likely that Rush would agree to that, but Eli had chosen to be optimistic on that point.

Young answered the door after a few knocks and Eli thought he saw a fleeting smirk on his face when he saw that Rush had signed everything. "Did he seem upset at all at the new procedures?" Young asked hopefully.

"He seemed more annoyed in general sort of way" Eli said, "He hates being interrupted when he's working you know."

Young smiled. "Oh I know."

"So uh, aren't you going to sign them too?" Eli asked.

"If you're in a hurry Eli, you have my permission to go ahead with your project. I'll radio the airman and tell him to let you in."

"Thanks!" he breathed, He wasn't about to wait around. Whatever game Young was playing with Rush it was probably safer for him to stay as far out of it as possible.

(O)

Colonel Young didn't believe it. He couldn't believe it. Had Rush, RUSH, really written _him_ a love note? No wonder Colonel Telford tried to have him removed from the Icarus mission if he makes a habit of writing his CO's notes like this one. _This certainly wasn't in his file_, Young mused.

How should he deal with this particular lovesick puppy? This was hardly the first time someone under his command had fallen for him, it was fast becoming a regular occurrence in fact, but Rush of all people could hardly expect him to return his feelings.

Young decided the best thing he could do was to write Rush a brief, firm, but gentle refusal and slip it discreetly under his door.

'_I'm sorry' _Young wrote,_ 'but I do not and cannot share your feelings. I assure you that I am very flattered, but a relationship between us is simply out of the question…_'

(O)

As he worked quietly on a malfunctioning mood lighting panel in a lonely section of the crew quarters, Mr. Brody couldn't help wondering why their stalwart leader was trying like mad to slide a crumpled piece of paper under Dr. Rush's atmospherically sealed door.

He might not be a rocket scientist, but Brody knew a good brown-nosing opportunity when he saw it. "Hey there, Colonel" Brody said, badly startling Young in the process, "Do you, uh, need any help?"

"No!" Young stammered, "I was just, uh, trying to get a message to Dr. Rush and…"

"Why don't you just use your radio, Sir?" Brody asked, adding, "Are they broken or being scrambled by aliens or something?"

"Yes!" Young said, "No wait, I meant no" he fumbled, "I mean, you know how _he_ is." 

Brody nodded, "He's not answering his radio again huh?"

"That's right" Young said, relieved.

"If you don't want to go looking for him right now, I'd be happy to take the note to him" Brody offered, "I have to report back to him anyway about my how repair list is coming along."

"Right, the, uh, repair list," Young shrugged, "Ok, that would be very good of you Brody," Young hesitated as he handed the note over to Brody, "Just so you understand Mr. Brody, this note is top secret and you absolutely must NOT read it or let it fall into anyone's hands, anyone's but Rush's, I mean."

"I understand" Brody said, accepting the note and sliding it carefully into one of the many pockets in his cargo pants. _The military certainly attracts some loose screws_, Brody thought as he watched Young walk away.

"_Mr. Brody_."

Brody wearily unsnapped his radio at the familiar sound of Rush about to give him even more work to do.

"Yeah" he asked, already knowing what was coming.

"_I need you to postpone what you're doing and join Riley to repair a plasma conduit in one of the unpressurized sections_".

_Great another chance to die in a million year old spacesuit_, "I'll be right there," Brody said into his radio, "Thing is," he added quietly, "Colonel Young just left some kind of top secret message I was supposed to give to you, apparently you weren't answering your radio…" Brody paused, the radio emitted only static for several seconds.

"Yes, of course" Rush replied, "Why don't you just read it me now, then."

"I uh, I was specifically ordered NOT to read it" Brody said, "Colonel Young seemed pretty set on this being for your eyes only."

"Fine" Rush sighed, "Just pass the message on to someone else and get on with your work. Rush out."

(O)

Eli did not appreciate the way everybody seemed to think he had nothing to do. Rush was constantly calling him , trying to get him to do this, fix that, solve the problems of the universe; Rush just couldn't see the big picture about what was really important here. There were always going to be things that needed fixing on this ship, but Eli had to have at least a couple of hours every day to work on his documentary. Sorting through and editing over 100 hours of footage from the kinos he sent out each day was murder and once he finished that he needed some serious downtime before he could switch his brain over to mechanic mode.

Now here he was just seconds after editing the ship wide poker tourney down into a tight 32 minute suspense filled docudrama, complete with side-line interviews and pre-game strategy footage and here Brody was tossing some note at him and telling him to give it to Rush right away. _Top secret my furry wookie ass_. If it was really that secret there was no way, NO WAY, Colonel Young would put it down in writing just to save himself a walk to the control interface room. Unless maybe he was trying to avoid Rush, a situation which Eli understood all too well. Avoiding Rush took up more of his time than the kinos did.

Then Eli stopped in his tracks.

If this note really was important then it needed to be documented and he certainly wouldn't get the chance once Rush got a hold of it. Eli pulled out his kino remote and recalled the nearest one to his location. "I'm sure Young won't mind if I just take a peek," he said, "After all it's not for curiosity so much as for posterity after all."

He opened the note.

(O)

By noon it was all over the ship. Like a grown-up game of telephone the facts changed with every telling and by the time word actually reached Rush, it was generally believed around the ship that Young and Rush had been exchanging steamy love notes for weeks.

Rush vaguely remembered Eli bringing him some kind of note from Colonel Young, which he'd put aside somewhere because he was busy as usual doing the work of at least ten men. Digging through his piles of artfully crumpled papers, it was easy to find the one piece that was covered in writing instead of mathematical figures and notations.

'_I'm sorry, but I do not and cannot share your feelings. I assure you that I am very flattered, but a relationship between us is simply out of the question…_'

_What the Hell was the man blithering on about now_? Share feelings? What feelings, loathing?

Rush ran through his options. Should he confront Young? No, he'd only deny it or explain it away in some offhand manner. He could use the communication stones to file a sexual harassment complaint with the IOA. They might even remove Young from command. Rush smiled, he liked that idea. But first things first, he needed to gain control of the gossip that was flying around the ship and make it clear as glass that HE was not pursuing Colonel Young, it was Colonel Young who was pursuing a relationship with _him_.

(O)

Meanwhile the note that had started all the problems was lying forgotten in Colonel Young trash bin. Which is right where Rush found it after luring the Colonel out of his room with a pseudo-crisis in the gateroom.

It didn't take the brilliant scientist long to piece together the chain of events leading to this embarrassing situation and only slightly longer for him to come up with a solution.

(O)

Rush re-read the note and after having carefully erased his own unintentional signature, he added a post script to the bottom of the note which read – _To Colonel Young, with all my love. I don't know why you didn't reply to my first note; hopefully this note will actually reach you_ and he then he signed the note – _Dale Volker_

There, that ought to resolve matters, Rush said, "At least for me."

He grinned as he left the doctored love note lying conspicuously askew on Colonel Young's bed.

(O)

Brody and Eli were eating Becker's nasty purple sweet potatoes in the mess when they saw Colonel Young charge past the door heading for the control interface room with an unreadable expression on his face.

"What's that all about?" Eli asked Brody.

"Beats me" Brody replied, "But five bucks says it's got something to do with Rush."

"You got five bucks?" Eli asked.

"Nope" Brody replied and returned to contemplating whether this meal was the worst meal he'd ever eaten or if he should save that honor for tomorrow's leftovers.

"Did you know that today was Valentine's Day?" Eli asked.

"Nope. Why did you buy me some chocolates?"

"No, I was just making a note of it."

"Well, uh, here…" Brody shoved his almost untouched ration of purple sweet potatoes towards Eli, "Happy Valentine's Day, Eli."

THE END

Epilogue – rest assured that after a lot of yelling and protestations of heterosexuality from all concerned, this love note business was eventually cleared up with an official speech from Young about the dangers of gossip and some vague mutterings about a simple misunderstanding.

So everything went back to normal for everyone. Including unfortunately for Volker, who had now lost the courage to express his feelings to Dr. Park.


End file.
